Thursday, July 30, 2009

Why I Do Stuff

I learned a new word today: "swag" (thanks to the always awesome Carabee). For those who already know what this means - more power to ya. But for the rest of us, there is the Urban Dictionary. Swag: Promotional merchandise, usually distributed for free at concerts, conventions, and street-side. As in: My job at McDonalds sucks ass, but at least I get some skanky swag to donate at Salvation Army.

On a side note, a recent "word of the day" at the urban dictionary is "weenis" which is supposedly the skin on your elbow. This serves to undermine my confidence in the site...but as Fox News reminds us daily, there is an endless supply of made up words (and news).

But I digress. Back to the swag: apparently, being "in it for the swag" bears a negative connotation. But I admit it. I am totally in it for the swag:

I confess. At the grocery store, I have no intention of buying your yogurt granola bars or your summer sausage. I am in it for the swag.

I have attended the occassional "party" in which I am sold cleaning products or cookware for three times the retail price. I am in it for the brownies. (Note - Please continue to invite me to parties in which I am sold jewlery or skin care. Though I am likely to purchase more stuff if chocolatinis are supplied...)

I have hovered near the vending machine while the guy removes the nearly (ok totally) expired snacks, pretending to be indecisive about my soda choice. I am in it for the Sunchips. (Though I will still pass on the "pork rinds". Why are those even in there?)

I have placed those little shampoo and conditioner bottles in my bag knowing that they would be replaced the next day.

I have taken peanuts from airline attendants even when I am not hungry.

I have an endless supply of pens, pads, and emory boards with the names of various congress people on them. I may even have voted for a few of them.

I own a purple monkey which represnts my skeeball winnings at a Dave and Busters.

I have not purchased a toothbrush in approximately 6 years, despite the fact that the dentist repeatedly runs out of "adult" size, and gives me a "youth" sized one for free instead.

I insist on getting a free refill at least once.

God help you at an open bar.

So, am I a terrible person? Only in it for the swag? Heck no. I'm in it for the brownies, yo.


Mel said...

Amen!! There's a reason why I tend to grocery shop on weekends -- that's when the samples are out. Once, they were seriously handing out root beer floats -- FOR FREE!

CaraBee said...

Especially when the swag is pretty awesome, as some of it was at the conference. I confess that I very much enjoy the free stuff. It's like Christmas, only you don't have to give anything back!

Babe in Babeland said...

You are hilarious!! Great post. With all this knocking on swag, I like hearing a new perspective. Yeah swag! And free brownies. :-)

Tiffany said...

You know how I like to attach little bells to your Christmas presents to make them more festive...this year you are all getting toothbrushes...seems one certainly can receive too much swag...I'm on swag overload.