Thursday, January 22, 2009

The Most Depressing Day of the Year

Though the exact date is a point of contention between experts, the results are clear: one of the days this week holds the esteemed title of "Most Depressing Day of the Year!" I sure hope it was yesterday because I would like to get that out of the way once and for all.

As an engineer, I must geekily admit that I love the idea that this highly subjective subject is, in fact computable. According to psychiatric experts, the factors affecting depression can be handily applied with this simple formula: ([W+(D-d)] x TQ)/(M x NA). Awesome.

So - we have "W" the weather, "D" debt, "d" monthly salary, "T" time since Christmas, "Q" time since failed New Years resolution, "M" motivation levels, and "NA" the need to take action. I would attempt to calculate my own personal most depressing day, except for the slight oversight that a few of these factors are not, in fact, numbers. I am not sure if psychiatrists realize that a key to actually solving a math problem is an inherent need for numeric representations.

For instance, let us apply the following formula: [(B+D) x F)]/(PxT).
"B" number of beers consumed at a party = 6
"D" number of desserts consumed at a party = 9
"F" number of friends at a party = 126
"P" number of potty breaks = 1
and "T" time at party= 45 minutes

Put them all together and we have: 42. The answer to life, the universe, and everything.


CaraBee said...

6 beers and only 1 potty break? That is amazing!

Jessica said...

Hilarious book, hahaha!