Apparently, I AM Made of Money...Or So They Think

I was driving to a meeting the other day, when a few lights popped up unexpectedly on the dash.  Yikes.

They seemed to indicate that I did not have brakes - certainly not anti lock brakes, not so sure on the regular ones - so of course, I continued driving.  I do this often with weird noises, and I find that a proper radio volume is an extremely effective means of silencing these minor annoyances.  But lights?  Not so easy to ignore.  Plus there was the whole "I might lose my brakes" concern.  So, I drove back to the office, then home, then to volleyball back in the city, then home again, and back to the office.  But those darn light just didn't go off*:

Finally, I took the car in to the shop...and decided to let them know that the last repair attempt was unsuccessful (in September 2008, or so their records say...I kinda thought it was like a month ago...)

The bill:  $1100.  Double yikes.

"So...do my regular brakes work?" I say.
"Yea," the guy says, "but you don't have anti-lock brakes."
"You would only use those in a panic situation," he adds helpfully.
"So I don't need need those?"
"Well, not usually.  But in a panic siutation..." he trails off.
"Ok - let's just wait on that," I say with confidence.

The bill:  $630.  Back to one and half yikes, with only minor fear of sliding uncontrollably off a cliff.
I drove home.

And then I saw the decidedly unnormal black smoke rising from the furnace vent.

"That's totally normal, right?" I tried to convince Adam.
"Uhhh...no."
"And that nasty smell?  That's just, umm, from the cat, right?  Or maybe there is a dead thing in the basement?" I was trying to think positively.

The furnace guys seemed to think otherwise.  They're here right now, cleaning the thing out.  And another guy is supposed to turn up shortly with a $475 part.  Great.

****

Understandably, I am a tad more conscious of my spending patterns, and it was with much righteousness that I returned the the supermarket which had charged me $5.49 for a gallon of milk.  I had seen this price posted, but also saw that the "club price" was only $2.59, so I figured my card didn't work.  This because I had also purchased steaks to cook out on the beautiful sunny weekend (the Weber works great, Brandon!).  But the steaks too, were listed at $5.88 a pound with obnoxious signs, and I was charged $7.89.

You know that saying, "the customer is always right?" Well...sometimes the customer is a moron.  The person at the desk explained how I bought Organic Milk, which was truly $5.49, and how the steaks were not listed as sale items.  (I went back to the meat department and saw that the sale price was only given if 4 or more steaks were purchased.)  I practically begged her not to give me my money back, and apologized for my inability to read...but she gave it to me anyway.  And she is sending a new card out to the house.

So, car repair: minus $630.
Furnace repair:  minus $719
Wegmans refund:  plus $9.99

Feeling like a moron:  priceless.

Dang, I wish I was made of money.  But you know, even if I had a million dollars, I would not want to spend it on "solenoid valve replacements", new "BP pressure chambers", or "organic milk".  Vacations in exotic places?  Now that's more like it.

*Note in this picture, I am NOT moving.

Hey, Who Left This Dusty Beer on the Bookshelf?

I believe I have mentioned before that I do not, as a general rule, enjoy Reality TV.  I don't watch American Idol, or Dancing with the Stars.  I don't watch the one with the chef, or the other one with the chef, or the kitchen one.  I don't know anything about bachelors, bachelorettes, models, cakes, monster bikes, or (sadly) losing weight.  I do occasionally watch the one with the English lady who tames the bratty kids, and I used to watch the one with tribes on an island back in the day.  But, I do have a weak spot:  I love all the home makeover, home improvement, and monster remodeling shows.

Now that I have become a homeowner, I realize how unreal those shows are.

Hanging Curtains on Trading Spaces:  There will be a cute little intro where the lady of the house picks up the drill and presses the trigger timidly, some fast scenes with music of her getting on a ladder, removing outdated brackets from each window, then flash to her adjusting the rod, with perfectly matched curtains hanging in full glory.  Total elapsed time - 15 to 20 minutes, by my estimation.

Hanging curtains in real life: Get ladder below outdated brackets, pull out drill with screwdriver attachment, but realize bracket proximity to screws is too close for use of drill.  Climb down ladder.

Get screwdriver and try to remove screws.  Decide different screwdriver would work better.  Climb down ladder.

Successfully remove one screw, but get stuck on second screw because it is one of those expansion dealies with the little plastic thing embedded in the plaster.  Attempt to pry out plastic dealie with screwdriver, but realize pliers are required.  Climb down ladder.

Pull out plastic thing.  Notice biggish hole in wall, which requires spackle.  Climb down ladder.

Apply spackle into hole, but then accidentally pull spackle out of hole when attempting to smooth over.  Repeat.  At long last, feel satisfied with spackle, but need beer for more energy and to pass time as spackle dries.  Climb down ladder.

Gather paint supplies, correct paint for room, and sanding paper.  Climb up ladder with paint on paint brush, then remember sanding should be done first.  Climb down ladder.

Sand, paint.  Crap.  Get paint on ceiling.  Decide to get white paint and fix this along with other areas where paint got on ceiling earlier despite massive amounts of painters tape.  Climb down ladder.

Now here's an obvious one for you - it is better to wait for paint on ceiling to dry before mixing it with white paint.  Doh!
 
Drill holes for modern rod brackets in much more modern position close to window.  Insert screw into hole and begin applying pressure with screwdriver, then drop screw into radiator below.  Swear.  Drink more beer, which was apparently positioned below sanding and plaster drilling operations.  Mmmmm....Dusty beer.  Climb down ladder.
 
Find screw, repeat screwdriver operation, and successfully attach bracket through hole #1.  Realize bracket is not straight and decide level is required.  Climb down ladder.
 
Get bracket to straighter position and check with level.  Hmmm.  Apparently bracket was already straight.  Sip more dusty beer, place away from work area, and drill second hole.  Attach screw successfully on first try and search for celebratory sip of beer, which you know you moved away from work area, but can't exactly locate now.  Climb down ladder.
 
Repeat all steps (including dropping screw into radiator, it is apparently a very necessary part of the process) with other side of window.  Climb down ladder.

Get new rod and prepare for moment of triumph as it is time to place it on the lovingly installed brackets.  Realize that "modern location" near window is too close because rod does not adjust that short.  Rod is approximately two inches too long.  Cry.  Climb down ladder.
 
Redo all steps with all windows, and DO NOT forget to drop that frickin screw!  Now you are ready for curtains.

Go to fabric store and huddle in fetal position in a corner for a few moments.  The fabric store is big.  It has many things besides fabric.  It is unclear if you should remove the large spools of fabric or if store representatives typically do this for you.  It is not certain if area labeled "window fabric" is fabric specifically for curtains of if any fabric is game.  All around you, women are talking about projects they are working on.  They seem knowledgeable, and crafty.  They all know more than you do.  Watch them.  Learn from them.  When you are ready, emerge from corner.  Now, go find your fabric!

Search and search and ponder and wonder.  Look at all colors, pick up many types of fabric.  Realize some of these cost $30 a yard and you need 21 yards.  After approximately three hours, a PA announcement will tell you the store is closing in ten minutes.  Hastily make choices and proceed to register.

To make curtains, lure mother to your home with promises of burritos.  Be sure she brings all required equipment, including needles, thread, and pins.  Then set her up, sweat shop style, in the kitchen.  Who knew making curtains could be so easy?

Finally, hang curtains on rod.

Elapsed time (and I am not making this up):  18 hours.

MacGyvering It Up

MacGyver - a secret agent who used not brawn, not fancy technological gadgets, but his BRAINS to get himself out of trouble.  Granted, some "MacGyverisms" are better than others....I saw one episode where he and his newly found son get trapped in a pit and manage to use fire extinguishers strapped to their backs to propel themselves upwards...But honestly, it must be hard to think of new tricks every week, and this was one of the later episodes.  So cut poor old MacGyver some slack.

I fancy myself a bit of a MacGyver.  I mean, I don't typically need to disarm bombs with paper clips or use my bicycle tire as a slingshot, but I enjoy the challenge of using the things around me to solve a problem at hand.  I think my first personal "MacGyverism" was at age five, when I was too short to reach the cabinet with the glassware. I found a long spoon to stick in the edge of the door and pry it open, then climbed up on the counter to retrieve a glass.

Ok, so there technically were chairs available which could have been dragged over...but I fancied myself pretty clever because this method was silent and allowed the opportunity to drink Kool Aid undetected.  Ugh.  Kool Aid.  Way too sugary for me now.

But I digress.

Last night's MacGuyverism was a bit more impressive.  I can't find my knee and elbow pads for broomball anywhere, and I have unfortunately learned the hard way that they are most definitely required.  (I hope to regain full movement in my knee someday...but I am beginning to think it may not ever happen.)  So, no knee pads.

Plan A: Don't fall.

Plan B:  Use foam intended for packing plates and glassware into moving boxes as knee pads.  Connect packing foam to knees using plastic bags, ripped into strips and poked through foam using keys as hole-pokers.

Check and Mate. (But sorry Tiff, I think that packing foam is unusable for its original purpose - turns out plastic foam is really sweaty on the knees.)

Luckily, Plan A was successful.  I only fell on my ass and we all know I got plenty o' padding there, thank you very much.  I think my mom let me have too much Kool Aid when I was a kid.

Why Do I Always Spend $200 at BJ's?

I can't control myself.  I go to BJ's for specific items - when I am expecting company, I buy food for a crowd.  I buy paper products like toilet paper, kleenex, and napkins.  I buy gum and toothpaste.  Yet, each time I make out to the store, I spend much more money than I budgeted.  On average, my receipts are just under $200.  Why?

Oh, that's right:

 

I went to the store for burgers, dogs, buns for all, soda, and bottled water.  I got all those things.  But I also got the items seen above.

Item #1:

 

The most practical of my items, and actually something on my extended list of things to pick up wherever, a nozzle for the  garden hose.  Did I need three nozzles?  Plus cool little attachments that allow you to snap your nozzles onto the end with ease?  Well, no...but how cool!  Now I have a nozzle for rinsing the car, one for showering my future garden plants gently, and one for...well, I'll figure something out.

Item #2:

 

Totally unnecessary, and certainly impractical for the cost, but who could pass these up?  It's chocolate.  And liquor.  Together!  In one most likely delicious ensemble which will surely be enjoyed by all.   As if that weren't enough, these little gems are ultra cute and wrapped to look like mini whiskey bottles.  I had to have them, have no idea how much they cost, and didn't give it a second thought.

Item #3:

 

Definitely the most optimistic of my purchases, and on so many fronts.  One, that the snow will melt someday, and summer will arrive.  Two, that my body will be comfortable enough to don a bathing suit.  Three, that I will be able to tolerate the annoying strap around the neck, which I have never tolerated in the past.  But this was only $23.99!  Again, I ask: how could I not buy this?

Thankfully, Adam called me to come home while I was perusing the $1200 outdoor table, chair, and umbrella sets.  They were really really nice though.   Really.

To My Newest Fan

Dear ComcastCares1,

Well played, I say.  Well played.  You must know I am a sucker for a new reader, and a commenter at that.  I am not sure why I specifically should get the special treatment of being called if there is some reason your workers can't make it to an appointment.  Perhaps this could be made standard procedure?  For everyone?

It should be duly noted that the kid who actually did manage to traverse the icy roads to our humble abode turned out to be a non-moron with possibly more than half a brain.  That is 95% more brains than we were expecting, and like a surprisingly good movie, we were reasonably satisfied.  I didn't meet the guy (by the way, "between the hours of 10am and 1pm" are sooo convenient for those of us with jobs).  But I am told by my better half that our local representative is the "Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle" of Comcast reps - you don't expect much, and suddenly you realize he is actually a bit witty.  And believe me, my man is a tough nut to crack.  He's a computer programming professor (who luckily works at night) and it takes a knowledgeable person to impress him.

Now, I feel it is only fair:  it should be (triply?) noted that yesterday we received a bill for service at our old apartment - after we moved out.  We called today - apparently this is a bug in the system, a glitch in the matrix, that the computer cannot be stopped from automatically generating a bill if you happen to cancel service the day the bill is to be generated. You might want to get on that.

We haven't received a bill yet for the new place, but it would be ever so nice if it was right.  The first time.  But how much are you willing to bet, we will be billed from the day service was supposed to start instead of nearly two weeks later when service actually started?  One year of free HBO?  Two years? 

We shall see.

Of course, all would be forgiven should you decide to comment daily on my awesomeness.

Sincerely,
A Comcast Customer (who has tried giving you my phone number in order to look up my account before - apparently, there's more than one glitch in the matrix.)

I'm Back Baby!

Oh, how I have missed you so! I hate when life interferes with my blogging, and oh how it has.  When one moves in January, one knows:  it is a risk.  January, after all, is infamously known for short days and snow squalls.  However, it was with an optimistic heart that I scheduled not only my moving truck (too small) but my Lowes delivery containing the beginnings of our finished basement (too big).  One thinks to oneself, "Sure, it may be cold, but as long as it doesn't snow, it should be fine!"

Despite early week predictions for eight inches of snow on moving day, I remained cheery, and towards the end of the week, I was rewarded by the weather gods, who stepped down their prediction to just a light flurry with only one to two inches of accumulation.

It was around the time that we went to get the truck that the flurries began, and on the way back to the apartment, my car actually slipped a tad when I stopped at a stop sign.  At this point, there was only about a quarter inch of snow on the road.  Good thing it was only going to be a dusting!

I think you may see where this is going.  We got about eight inches that day.  The State Highway Administration was just as surprised as the rest of us, so roads were not plowed at all.  And did I mention that I bought a house near a state park?  aka Middle of Nowhere?  My normal route to work requires driving on unpaved roads and crossing four one lane bridges.

Luckily, we all managed to traverse alternate routes (eventually - Dad was so excited to use his four wheel drive...at first.)  However, Comcast did not come.  Comcast did not call.  For all we knew, the poor, frightened Comcast man was out there some where, slipping and sliding, trying desperately to fight through the elements in order to connect our internet.

On Monday, we assumed Comcast would call to reschedule their appointment.  But alas, that Comcast representative is still missing.  On Tuesday, we called to remedy the problem.  They couldn't find our account number, and when they did, they said they had simply not come due to the snow.  Apparently, it is not standard procedure to call when they cannot make it....We called off the search party for the rep.

A week later, Comcast was again scheduled to come out.  I feared living without internet for such a very long time, but it was the soonest they would come. 

In the meantime, we got 26 inches of snow.  I have always looked down upon those trying to buy snow shovels they day of a snowstorm - like, duh!  You knew it was coming!  What happened to your old shovel?  And then.  I entered Wal Mart on the day of a snowstorm.  The store was packed, as usual, but I was amazed to see so many people buying non-essentials.  There were people trying on shoes and clothes, people buying jewelry and handbags.  Crazy.  I did not find a shovel (but bought a drying rack and laundry detergent, which I had been meaning to get anyway...)

Target - no shovels.  Superfresh, Home Depot, Shoppers - no shovels.

I went home, and Adam told me he wanted to replace some electrical outlets while the snow fell, and asked me to go to Home Depot #2 with a list.  They had shovels...I overheard a man ask about them as soon as I walked in, and I followed him to a bin.  We both looked skeptically at the heavy-looking silver shovels with the $32.99 price tag.  With a sigh, I picked one up, and found it was aluminum, quite light.  "Not as heavy as they look," I remarked.

"I was hoping to spend less than $35," the man replied.  Though technically less than $35, I saw his point.  But I bought the shovel anyway, because I was not going to be out there with the coal shovel (very heavy!) again, picking away at two feet of snow.

Thank goodness the neighbor let us use his snow blower.  And it still took two hours.

I went to work on Monday, the day Comcast was scheduled to arrive (again).  Once again, a Comcast representative seems to have been lost, without a call or a note.  And we were to endure a third snow storm without internet. 

On Wednesday, it snowed all day.  We got 20 more inches, and did not bother the neighbor for the snow blower.  I have shoveled more snow in the past two weeks than I have shoveled in the last ten years.  I also got a terrible cold, which was not too bad as long as I didn't move.  Or breathe.

On Friday, Comcast came!!  Yay!

Now, I have a lot of blogs to read....and I have to make up the time lost at work.  Sigh...

Home is Where Your Bed Is

My list of things to do this morning, as usual, does not include blogging.  I am like the lame boyfriend you had in junior high who never called or did anything with you outside of school.  I promise this will change in a month or so.

A few scattered thoughts:

I have been learning a heck of a lot about painting, and how to stay up painting past my bed time.  Luckily I still go to work every day where I sit in a chair.

Despite the fact that I am supposed to be finding a good casserole recipe that makes like 12 servings so I only have to cook once this week, I am blogging.  This will most likely make me delay getting to the recycling center, the grocery store, the paint store, work (I forgot a house plan there) and, of course Home Depot.  And that is just what I need to do before I start working.  Today, painting.  Again.  Tomorrow, carpet removal.  Again.  Later in the week after Lowes delivery (don't tell Home Depot), the kitchen floor.  Random times in between, sleeping and eating.  I am not sure but I may be losing weight due to being too exhausted to eat when I get home and having no food at the house yet.  I will let you know when I have time to get on a scale.

I am getting to the point where I have to really think about whether something can safely be packed or if we might need it before the 30th.  I thought packing the cinnamon sticks and celery seeds would be acceptable.  These are spices I have likely used once in my entire time at this apartment, probably on the day they were purchased.  But wouldn't you know I got Adam a coffee and spice grinder for Christmas and he wanted to try a cinnamon coffee?  And this morning, I prepped some pork chops for consumption between paint jobs, and the recipe called for celery seeds.  Sort of makes me second guess my decision to take my dresses and summery shoes over today.  Yeah, there's snow on the ground, but what if there's a beach party I need to attend within the next three weeks??

I am amazed that I can't find stuff to pack because I am afraid I will need it, yet my apartment is still full.  I would say we have like half our stuff at the house and it is all in one tiny room.  It looks like nothing.  Yet in the apartment, the other half is still scattered about in drawers and closets, and though there are some empty shelves, it looks like we haven't done much at all.

I drove home the other night at about 12:30am after work, a community meeting, and painting.  This is apparently when deer come out to play, and I saw about 20 of them on my way home.  At one point, a small pack of them crossed one at a time in front of my car.  I didn't have to stop for the first one, but the second and third waited until I was about 20 feet from them before deciding to go for it.  The fourth one stayed off to the side, frozen like...well, you know.

I think it was that day that I realized: my heart is in the house right now, but my bed is in the apartment.  Home is where your bed is.