I have just been to Wal-Mart, attempting to undo the damage from Hurricane Irene, or rather, from the preparation for damage from Hurricane Irene. We were out of super-glue.
I spent $78.00.
Dang super glue. I wasn't sure which aisle it would be in and I ended up traversing the whole freaking store. I found it, along with $75 worth of other stuff, then saw it hanging right next to the checkout line.
Naturally, I now have super glue in place of skin on most of my fingers. I can only hope it will come off before I travel to Houston on 9-11. I am a bit concerned about the trip because I will need to bring my "engineers bag" again. The last time I took it, I ended up with 15 razor blades in my carry-on. I imagine that another slip up, coupled with the questions about why I have replaced my fingerprints with a wrinkly mass of well adhered plastic will make me miss my plane.
But I digress.
I wanted to update y'all on The Glasses Incident, because, frankly, I'm a genius (with superglue on my fingers). I went outside to search, one more time, before Adam mowed the yard.
In the dark!
You heard me.
I took a flashlight out there, and every little dewy blade of grass glistened in the spotlight. I swept back and forth for a while, and had just about given up when, there they were, plain as day. They were exactly where I thought they would be - where I had blindly swept my hands, then scanned, then raked. I call it "Step Six: The Spotlight."
Based on my theory, prison inmates should attempt to escape in the daytime to avoid detection.
I will remember this when I go through airport security.