Friday, October 29, 2010

Where Have I Been?

I have been...

...making excuses.  My most common excuse of late: I-Can't-Blog-Because-I-Have-To-Go-Into-Another-Room a.k.a. I-Need-A-Netbook.  It would be totally cool to multitask - I could watch LOST and blog about it at the same time.  I could blog at lunch time.  I could blog in the shower.  (They're waterproof, right?)

I could blog in a plane
  I could blog on a train
    I could blog while driving
       I could blog while scuba diving

The thing is, this Netbook has become my excuse for a lot of things.  If I had a Netbook, I could track my calories and restart my dieting.  If I had a netbook, I'd be able to skype with my sister and eat dinner at the same time.  If I had a Netbook, I would solve all the world's problems, run for office, and effectively manage my time before breakfast.  And my facebook statuses would be off the hook y'all.

But alas.  Apparently I am not meant to own a Netbook because I have discovered that they go on sale often, but only people who pay attention to things like sales, and the times of sales, are eligible to purchase sale items.  This makes perfect sense, I suppose, but I wish I could just go into a store and buy the item that just two hours prior was priced fifty bucks cheaper.  I wish I could pay with money, in the store, the price that the item costs, instead of having to follow up with a letter including my receipt and a UPC symbol in order to receive a check for the amount I overpaid, which then has to be taken to my bank and re-deposited.  I wish I could buy a Netbook without a sticker on it and within 50 miles of my home.

Allow me to explain.  Attempt #1 to Buy a Netbook was at a newly opened HH Gregg Store that is approximately 4.5 miles from the house where I live.  I did not get around to buying the Netbook until later in the day, and when I arrived at the conveniently located store, I was told they were sold out.  The guy said he would take my money and my name and add me to a list of potential Netbook Owners maintained within the store, and IF a Netbook came to the store, I would be called so I could go and pick it up.  And if a Netbook did not come to the store I would be refunded my money.  If you are thinking this is a retarded plan, you would be correct.  I just want to buy a freakin electronic device, not adopt a puppy.  So I asked the guy if I could just buy it online for the sale price.  He looked at me in wonder and said he hadn't thought of that, but sure, it could work. 

So, crazy kid that I am, I went online for Attempt #2 and found the Netbook and added it to my cart and entered my name, address, favorite ice cream flavor, and pet's name (I am not making this up) before I was given the option to ship or pick up in the store.  I decided to pick up and avoid shipping charges, and entered my zip code so it would find the nearest store for me.  The nearest store was Wilmington, DE, a decidedly inconvenient 60 miles or so away.  It turns out the 30 or so stores between here and Delaware* are all sold out.  And shipping fees were so much that it would negate the sale price altogether.

No Netbook for me.

Attempt #3 began a few weeks later when Adam told me he saw Netbooks for the reduced HH Gregg price at Target of all places.  I should have known because Target has all I could ever want or desire, but I hadn't thought of that.  So, to Target I went.  There, I found a silly display of a cardboard Netbook with a price tag marked "clearance" that said $211 !!  Giddy up!  I went the the counter to tell the worker to get me a Netbook from the back and she said all they had was the display.  Display?  It was just a fake Netbook made of cardboard, right?


It was an actual Netbook with a sticker on the screen, intended to show a person what the real screen (located just under the sticker) would look like.  "Is that a sticker?" I asked, "Or just one of those removable plastic peel off deals?" 

"Oh, it's a sticker," she replied, and then demonstrated how the sticker would not come off completely, and the screen would need replacing.  "It came to the store this way," she explained.

"'s $211 and the screen will need replacing," I said.

"Yep," she agreed, "and there are holes in the keyboard from where they screwed this plastic cover plate over the top so you can't press the buttons on the display."

I couldn't decide if the Netbook adoption list was dumber or not.

I plan to get the Netbook on, gulp, Black Friday.  And by golley, it better be under $200 and sticker free.

*Every time I tell this story, I am told that I could have had so-and-so's brother's uncle's roommate pick it up and they could transport it here when they're in town for the next gun convention or antique car show.  I appreciate the sentiment, but I still maintain that picking up in Delaware is inconvenient.


Out of My Mind said...

Hope you get your Netbook as planned.

Reading on through your stuff and because you make me laugh out loud I have decided to read your blog first thing in the morning. That way I get ONE of my daily goals out of the way first off (laugh out loud at least once every day). Another daily goal is to be dressed by 10 AM....this one often gets ignored because my jammies are soooooo comfy.

I read you life story page and wasn't surprised to find that you founded a humor magazine. Can you recommend other blogs, of a less serious nature, that I could follow? I have been >> the blog page for days! Found a couple of interesting ones but nothing i could even remotely consider humorous!

Out of My Mind said...

Mannn, I got to writing and I forgot that I wanted to thank you for your comment...."Holy Crap" is my daughter's favorite expression and made me smile right away. As for the spider, you mean they don't have these suckers where you live. they are very ugly and creepy, but harmless.

AHHHH, hate to ask (no that's not true, I'm just kind of nervous about it) would sign up as one of my followers? I only have 4 (and they are all relatives). I'm sure it is an ego thing, but at least I am honest about it.