Home Cookin'

The directions on the box: Bring water and milk to a boil; add rice and seasoning packet. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 20-25 minutes, uncovered, stirring frequently.

My (apparent) interpretation: Bring water and milk to a boil over front burner; add rice and seasoning packet. Turn rear burner to low and watch as rice boils rapidly. Wonder if rice has some sort of "rapid boil additive" and resolve to ask food scientist brother if such a thing exists and, if so, how it works. Stir rarely.

Part 2 of the directions: Remove rice from burner and keep warm. Saute garlic and red pepper in oil for 30 seconds; add spinach and rice. Cook and stir for 3 minutes. In a separate bowl, whisk 10 eggs with milk. Add to rice mixture and stir quickly to distribute ingredients. Reduce heat to low and cover for 30-35 minutes. Top with cheese and tomato slices.

My interpretation: Remove rice from burner and place cheapo plastic spoon over piping hot pan. Saute garlic for 10 seconds, then open wrong side of container and dump at least 2 times the recommended amount of red pepper flakes into oil. Saute for 1-2 minutes until garlic is brown and sticking to pan. Add spinach and rice. Use slightly soft cheapo plastic spoon to scrape rice from edges. Read directions approximately 4 times to guarantee that yes, it does indeed require 10 eggs. Beat eggs with milk, add to rice and spinach. Reduce heat on correct burner and set timer. Before retiring to play Wii, put remaining eggs into specially designed refrigerator door holder, and be sure to drop one of them under the fridge. Use dustpan to scrape raw egg from under fridge, and wipe up remaining goo using kitchen cleaner. Retire (finally) to Wii game, but be sure to ignore timer in favor of winning game. Find pause button after pressing every possible button on controller, and return to kitchen where delicious, slightly burnt frittata sits in pan, complete with slightly chewy rice and trace amounts of plastic/teflon.

Skip the cheese since you forgot to shred it. Ditto on the tomato, since you forgot to buy one at the store.

Nothin' beats home cookin' eh?

One What? (Part II)

Ahhh...the wait is over! My loving Adam provided me with a small rice cooker as part of my birthday gift. I am not certain if this was because he was tired of eating the chewy, and sometimes crunchy rice that I have placed before him, or if he recognized my desire for this handy gadget based on context clues, like "I wish I had a rice cooker." Let's assume the latter.

One thing that stopped me from purchasing a rice cooker for myself was the lack of kitchen space for yet another appliance. But Adam found a "mini" one made by Rival which fits nicely on the closet shelf. Apparently, Rival is either not an American company, or a bit disenchanted with the common US system of units. Or perhaps the company is hoping to devise a way for rice cooker owners everywhere to become dependent on the special "rice serving cup" which comes with the appliance. Whatever the reason, the instructions caused me to screw up when making the rice.

In my own defense, the instructions: "1. Measure the amount of rice you would like to cook. A 3/4 cup measuring cup is included with your rice cooker. The "rice cooker" measuring cup makes 2-1/4 cups of cooked rice." OK, so far so good. No real indication of how many servings that is, but OK. "2. Place rice in the pot and add the corresponding amount of water. For example, if you are making 3 cups of uncooked rice, add water to the "3" mark on the pot." Hmmm...I find the little labels on the pot and see they are labled 1,2,3. I am not making 3 cups, I am making 2-1/4 cups right? I fill to just above the 2 line. This was my downfall. Being an experienced preparer of rice, I realized that the ratio of water to rice was unusual, and I corrected the error without incident. I am making 3/4 cups of uncooked rice. Is the special measuring truly necessary?? Compare this with the instructions on the rice bag: "Combine one cup of uncooked rice, and 2 cups of water." I think the average person could figure this out without introducing new units of measure like "rice cooker measuring cup."

After I had fixed the water error, Adam noted that said measuring cup is marked with lines indicating 1/4, 1/2, and 3/4. I had just filled it to the top according to the instructions. It turns out, I was right on that one. Filling to the 3/4 line on this device gives you 3/4 of 3/4, or just over half a cup. Simple as pie, eh? I think Rival may be a co-conspirtator with Chefmate in a sinister plot to require the use of special measuring devices for every appliance.

The rice turned out perfect, though the instructions gave no indication of how long it would take to cook, so this time, the other food wasn't ready yet. How's that for irony?

Steady....Wait For It...

I am trying SO hard to be good right now, but my stupid rice is stupidly NOT COOKING. I buy the brown rice because it is supposedly good for you, but it is consistently uncooked when I prepare it. This is because the other food cooks according to its instructions, while the rice does not. Normally, I am too impatient to wait it out, and I endure the comments from the peanut gallery regarding the "chewiness" of the rice. Today, it is still so hard, it is not edible, even though the water has evaporated and seconds ago, the smoke detector went off.

This is extremely dangerous to my fragile tummy. My friend made me banana cupcakes (thanks Maria!) which look delicious, and I want to eat them. I also want to eat some chips and salsa, some peanut butter bread, and a few almonds. I tried the counting thing again, with limited success (I had a few cherries and a strawberry and still haven't made it to 29.) I tried a glass of water, but my thoughts have wandered to me vittles, waiting for me to devour them.

So...here I am...blogging. So far this has been working....better go check on the rice again. But this is decidedly NOT the healthier option when you take into account the hundreds of calories consumed during this unbearable cooking time!!