Punting the Posterior

Can I just say: I am kicking ass today. That is, my ass. And in a good way, not like, in a fall down the stairs kind of way.
So: Yesterday was the last day of my wonderful, wonderful "staycation". It is what it sounds like - I was home for nearly an entire week, doing nothing. By nothing, I mean: reading, sleeping (a lot), doing laundry (like 6 loads. Really.), leisurely choosing recipes to cook, buying the ingredients, and cooking, and, of course, spending time increasing my BMI according to the Wii Fit. Surprisingly few calories are burned when 90 percent of your day is spent sleeping or watching movies.
But all good things come to an end, and I think I was actually ready. Not excited. Not like "yay, it's the first day of school and I hope I get a good locker/homeroom kind of ready, but, lets say, prepared. Last night, I packed my gym bag, measured out oatmeal for breakfast each day, updated my diet spread sheet, and even poured my water for the morning. I hunkered down with my new book (second of the year already! Of course, I won't have that kind of time for a while...). I read, I slept, I got up. And carpe diem, I went out there and said "World, gimme whacha got!" (Sidebar: I'm not too good wit' spellin' out the slang...)
Normally, I return from a vacation to find 15 messages on the phone, like a bazillion emails, and even a few faxes from the old-timers. Also, there tend to be things piled on my chair. These represent things that other people have done for me while I was busy lounging, or things that I must do immediately upon return. I had two items today - one something someone had done for me, and another I thought someone had done for me. I filed these items in my recycling bin, and was reminded via exclamation point infested email with bold red text that it most certainly had not been done for me. I was pretty close to getting the ALL CAPS email. No harm done, by the way. Some people just get a little nutty with the punctuation.
Returning to my awesomeness:
1. I actually ate my oatmeal. Normally, I bring it and then fill up on sugar laden coffee all morning. By lunch I am, of course, ravenous, and not all that interested in the sensible meal I packed for myself. I then follow my nose to the nearest burrito joint. (Sidebar 2: They are putting in a Chipolte across the street - which increases quantity of burrito joints within walking distance to TWO. This has potential for my demise. And rumors are circulating that an Arby's is soon to follow. Can you say Jamocha shake? My demise is imminent.)
2. I actually walked at lunch. Often, I look at the clock and see lunchtime began 15 minutes ago, and then I see the daily sudoku waiting for a supergenius such as myself to begin filling in the blanks. I then take my puzzle with me as I follow my nose to the nearest burrito joint.
3. I remembered to run errands, such as to the bank, to the store, and to the pharmacy for the prescriptions I ordered a week ago. Many times, these mundane tasks are penciled in for "later" because I would rather enjoy my puzzle at the burrito joint.
4.Normally, I begin a task only find that I had accomplished nothing despite being very busy for 8 hours. Today, I was the epitome of efficiency. I do not expect this nugget of efficiency to last, though my method was effective: if I thought of something to do while in the middle of something else, I wrote it down. Duh.
5. I added "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" and "Quantum of Solace" to my Netflix queue. The ability to add movies to the queue while they are still in the theater is not a new feature of the site, just something I have been kicking myself for not doing each time I receive something like "Monty Python's And Now For Something Different". Never heard of it, you say? There's a reason for that. I have one o' my blogging peeps to thank for the reminder, since she wrote a review of the Button movie as her post. (I added Hamlet 2 also.) Unfortunately, I just don't feel movies are worth the uber-expensive experience in the theater unless they are action-packed or full of cool special effects. And even when they do meet the criteria (i.e. Quantum of Solace), we are often too busy to make it there. (Sidebar 3: While searching for the Bond movie, I found collections of "Quantum Leap" on DVD. Ahh, Scott Bakula, so under-rated. Need I tell you that these also found their way to my queue?)

My Two Cents

I am not a movie person. I do not remember the names of actors or actresses, I do not rush out to see every blockbuster, and in many cases, I do not stay awake to see the ends of many sagas. As a general rule, I am very very bad at the “Kevin Bacon” game. This is nothing new, and I am generally ok with it. However, there are several movies I have not seen which earn comments from amazed friends and acquaintances. These usually go something like this: “What? You haven’t seen that? Are you sure you’re American?” Rest assured, I am, indeed, American. But, I have not seen:

-The Karate Kid

-Rambo

-any of the Godfather movies

-Gone with the Wind

-Maverick

-the list goes on and on...

All of these were immensely popular for their time, but I just never got around to watching them. So, I recently added “Braveheart” to my Netflix queue in order to rectify at least one of my deficiencies. I cannot say I was all that impressed. First of all, this movie is three hours long and it was extremely hard for me to block out a chunk of time sufficient for the full viewing. (In fact, I did put this movie in the VCR back in 1999 but never got past the half hour marker…) Now that I have watched the film, I can say with confidence that there is entirely too much slow motion. It sometimes took nearly 5 minutes for men on horses to ride 50 yards. Is this supposed to be dramatic effect? I found it annoying. And speaking of horses…

…There are many scenes involving the killing or serious injury to horses. Poor horsies. They are just innocents in the conflict. There is even one scene where a horse jumps out of a 4 story building into a body of water. Who cares if Mel Gibson survived, what about the horse? And speaking of Mel Gibson…

…Is he aware of how old he is? OK, so his love interest in the movie is shown in a flashback scene in which Mel is played by a 12 or 13 year old kid, and she is played by a 7 or 8 year old kid. The difference in age is like 5 years, right? So then, we flash forward and Mel is nearly twice the age of this 20-something girl. And while we’re on that topic…

…How is it that she is still not married when Mel returns from his travels after 10 years? This is supposed to take place in 1345. Didn’t people get married at age 14 back then? (Of course, then the age difference makes more sense.) It just seems pretty convenient to me. And one other thing…

…Of course she is the most beautiful girl in the village. She is the only one who cleans/combs her hair. I think the writers went to extremes to show the differences in class of people by their dress/hygiene. But only with the men. Apparently, the women of all classes still managed to make it to the beauty parlor on a daily basis.

OK, now I got that out. Despite the above ranting, I did not hate the movie. I just don't see what all the hype was about. I did appreciate that it did not have the sappy Hollywood ending in which everyone who was going through a ton of turmoil is suddenly ok, saved by some amazing coincidence. I appreciated also that the bad guys did not hang over their victim saying "I'm gonna kill ya!" for ten minutes, allowing the hero sufficient time to swoop in for a "dramatic" rescue. I also enjoyed Mel Gibson's ability to convey emotion without speaking. His portrayal of hurt when he is betrayed by a noble of his own clan is great - no words need to be spoken (though, of course, this part is in slow motion...) He also has awesome expressions of passion and love in his eyes throughout the movie.

But that is just my two cents. I am not sure I want to see The Godfather. Next on my queue: Monty Python skits. Now how did that get to the top?